She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
