he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
