literally had 100 drinks last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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