I am midnight drunk by noon
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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