I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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