sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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