we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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