wrigley field is MILF paradise
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
