I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
