Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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