chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
