Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
