tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize