The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
