That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
