I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
