I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
