Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
