I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize