maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
