My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize