Im at strip club and am horny
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
