Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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