The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
