o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
