So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I sprained my soul last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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