Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
