The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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