I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
