I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
