She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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