today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
