I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
