Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
