The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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