girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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