Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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