Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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