I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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