At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
