in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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