all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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