Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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