Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
