Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
