Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
