God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
