how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
