You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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