So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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