I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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