Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
