I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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