dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
