I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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