Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
