Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
