I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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