my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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