Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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