am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
