Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
