We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
