Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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