Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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