Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
