Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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