We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Randomize
