she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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