I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
