I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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